Long time no Post...

Sorry to whoever has been listening and reading that I haven't been here. Writing. Obvs.

I don't know why I haven't posted alot in a while. I dunno.

Now brace yourselves guys while I lurch headfirst into a preach about how unfair life is...

Maybe I'm just a super moody teenager [according to my parents] and maybe if I started believing that I was, I would be happier, but nothing is that simple. Ever.

My brother attacked me yesterday. He had kicks flying and everything. I asked him nicely to stop fighting me. My mum comes swanning up the stairs and she can't even say "leave your sister alone". Whilst if I had been hitting him we'd never ever hear the end of it. Not for a long while anyway. Just because I have the unfortunate luck of being born Lishan and not Michael, doesn't mean the he's better than me, although that's the way it always feels at the moment.

I have come to the conclusion [a very unrash one at that] that nobody cares. We had two snow days, Monday and Tuesday just gone, and when we went back to school on Wednesday, they locked us in school. I tried to explain that it's health and safety, but nobody heard me either way I said it. Nobody cares if the building happens to blow up with me in it nobody cares if I get trampled to death because of the rush everybody would be in when they;re trying to leave the building. But pfffssshh...it's not very likely that any of this stuff would happen and if it did it would be funny. Haha. But with me gone everybody could dote over their favourite child [which is not me] and laugh at my funeral.

I self harming again. I don't know why. It kinda make me feel hopeful that if I do this everything will get better, but that's never the way it is. So I keep doing it; everytime thinking that it'll get better, but I'm just kinda digging myself into a hole.

Did I say happy new year??? Have a good one!!!

Right now I'm just waiting for eerybody to turn around, laugh in my face and say "We don't like you." My family and the people who I think our my friends jut need to hurry up and say it to me before I combust of some next shit like that.

It's just not right piting yourself everyday because you widh you were someone else,somewhere else doing something with your life.

But right now I'm just like the rest of them, doing nothing and going nowhere...

I'm going to try and stop the self harming. But its so hard when you're looking to it for some sort of hope every single time...

Liely German x