OH SNAP!

Was looking back through the posts and I have realised that I was ugly and such a bitch!
I'm not usually like that!

Anyyyywwwaaayyy...will most definately post something for the new year - and I will just have to hope it works...let me start now and update you on my year when the year has already bee =/

Tights and school shirts. I can work it...

PARTY ON SATURDAY :)

September 1st 2nd and 3rd...

31st August 2009
How can you fancy someone that you barely know? Is it because I am expecting the phone call? Is it because I genuinely like him? Or is it because I could really do with some attention after my previous horrible, pointless and spiteful relationships? I saw his Facebook and his body is amazing! Maybe I only want him in my bed. Maybe he only wants me in his bed...he never saw me before. So maybe I should cut it off now...but what if I don’t and it all works out? I’ll never, ever see him again unless the reunion we are so desperately (not) trying for materialises...or unless his heart is going to burst from the thought of being away from me and he has to come and find me. Or call me...hmm... likely. I can’t believe myself hurting myself over some guy that I barely know! So...here are some facts about the progress of out “relationship”:
- I barely know him
- He is rather yummy
- I want him in my bed. He has an amazing body
- He’s a nice guy
- Dresses well
- Smells nice
- Has a FANTASTIC body...
- Clever
(I have just noticed all these lights that come on the laptop when you press them... like the CAPS LOCK key...pretty sick)
I am going out tomorrow, Not entirely sure where. Don’t even know if I have the meeting tomorrow. I can get credit to text Arthur...but what will I say? He went to Carnival...so something along the lines of: “Hey. How was carnival? Kinda wished I went now though. Would've had something to do...” OR “How was carnival? Bet you had bare gals up on you. Hope you had some nice sex...”

The problem now is, Which One Do I Chose? (WODIC)

1st September 2009
Well I’ve chosen. Here is what I said: “Hey. How wz carnival? Gt credit nw. Hope u is well... X” I sent it off – will wait until the 4th September for a reply...if I don’t get a reply, I am doing to delete his number. He obviously just liked/likes (delete as appropriate) the way I looked. Everybody that day did. I have no character then – obviously... (07-09-2009 and btw, he gave me some shit bout not having enough money to put credit on his phone. Is £5 that much money? And then I text and he messaged me asking if I was shy! Cheek...)
And Yav was telling me some shit about how nice his body was – she knew all along that his body was banging, because she “Saw his muscles through his clothes”...right. She shouldn’t be undressing people with her eyes... Should’ve told him that Yav said he had a boom body all along...too late. Am not texting him again – will make me look desperate. I’ll wait until the 4th and then I am over him...he’s got Jordanna anyway. And she is beautiful...just what he is looking for. Not some “posh” geeky girl like me. They can have a conversation because they know each other. I’m just some random “good looking” gal. A bit on the side. And I really stank that day, so he obviously only liked the way I looked. Because I stank that day. Real bad.
And I was telling Yav that I don’t know if I like him because he has a really nice physique. Or because he liked me first. Or because he looks good. Or because I think that he is genuinely a nice guy...I miss him.
I need to get him to get certain people off my back...I’m not mentioning any boys name in this thing-that-I-have-started-without-realsing-that-I-have-started-it thing. So. Yeah.
2ND September 2009
Having a laptop is so awesome. I can have this blog thing on my computer and who will have to know? Will start password protecting it when I feel the need to mention names.
I’m still hurting about him. If he didn’t want me, why couldn’t he just call and say that? I honestly wouldn’t have minded because no one has really wanted me for about a year now...suckage.
Well...there was Brindley. I was dating him when I was going through my “punk” phase. I was so punk, you know. Studded belts, eyeliner, hoodies, Taliban scarves, super tight jeans, heavy guitar music – all that shit. And then I was in Camden and my dad saw us – and he flipped out. I was blamed for everything that happened that day. Everything. I suppose it was kinda my fault, because he was my dad, but I didn’t ask for him to be there, or to turn up and freak out about the entire thing. He’d be...just turning seventeen. His birthday is sometime in September...
Then there was Xiao. It was odd, because he had two brothers, Jaime and Jake and a sister called Rebekah. He was adopted by his step-dad, whose last name is Williams – odd non? But he’s nineteen now. He went travelling, got to Germany and decided he wanted to come home...good one. He said he’d only come home if he ran out of money, or if he ran into serious trouble. But he came home because his “not-really-my-girlfriend” dumped him. And then he came home, expecting me to be all open armed and “oh I love you!” I think not. So his brother, Jaime, said, “Go out with me. He’ll be jealous and he’ll want you back. He’ll be upset...” blah blah. So I did. Nothing happened between me and Xiao after that. It finished and I wasted a shit load of time on Jaime, who it turned out actually did like me. And I’m staying at my Nan’s house, which is close to his house, so I really don’t want to run into him. And he is a self-harmer. I mean - I don’t know if he’s still doing it – but I am. And it’s nothing that I’m proud of, but it’s difficult to stop. And when we first broke up, I was worried for him, because he was so fragile, his mentality wasn’t stable. But where ever he is now, I hope that he is alright and that people aren’t gathered around his hearse... This was when I was coming out of the whole punk/emo thing...
Now I’m ready to be a lady. I like to dress up. I can’t wait for Success for Life, purely because I get to dress up and do my hair and makeup. And all I need is someone to see me through this phase of my life... I love fashion and I want to look good. Might wear my glasses out today. I need to.
And now because I am ready to be a lady, he should notice me...and I want him to. But there’s not a lot I can do if he lives on the other side of London...

Yesterday, I lost my purse, with all of my Nan’s money in it. And then I had to listen to some next preach about how irresponsible I am...I’ve lost two phones (my mum found one) and I lost the money. And I used to always lose my bus pass...
And the part where I said that I would wear my glasses out, is not happening , because I said I was “ill” and I was not prepared to go all the way to Croydon in some next grim weather, to stand and freeze my arse off to meet up and have some meeting, which apparently lasted only forty minutes. Last meeting was shit because we had some long argument and then went “oh yay, talent show” and left. Fun.
I honestly think that I have a glitch in my brain. I honestly do. I think I’m bipolar or have some undiagnosed mental illness and I’m totally unaware of it. I think I’m bipolar because I have the biggest mood swings EVER. One minute I’ll be happy be happy, and then the next I’ll be angry and stroppy and sad. And like there was this entire year, where I was depressed. I was just so down. I’d cry over nothing. And I broke down in my geography class because I didn’t want to do the higher paper. I felt like I couldn’t do it- and I still feel that way. Like in all my lessons. The only two, where I feel as if I’m going to do well is in Media Studies and English. The rest of them, I’m useless at...maybe it’s just part of growing up? But I find it really difficult to cope and understand now but what happens when I’m twenty five and have no shit what to do with my life? Here is what I have so far:
- Get a job in Office (or somewhere where I can earn money. Take your pick)
- Go to sixth form
- More work
- Go to university
- Go on a nice long-ish holiday
- Get a nice job in fashion, music or journalism
- (Try modelling)
- Find a nice man (<3)
- Have four kiddies
- Carry on working and have the same figure I have now
- Retire wealthy
I just need to get the grades....and the more I think about it the more possible it seems...

But I am a retard. Done.

Was on the phone to Jenniah (aka Sense) and he was asking me about Gary’s party on Friday. But I have no idea what he said because I am “ill.” So I went “serious?” and he went “yeah.” And then he said “Ah, Dodge wants to speak to you.” And he will be there at the Success for Life Work Day, and I will want to melt into my chair. And I have to explain why I was ill. I have to show that I was “Ill” somehow...yeah. Tough one. Make myself ill? Am feeling too fly to do that shit.
Will password protect this now. I have too many names mentioned...done.
Will talk to you about the Green Talent Fellowship (GTF) programme. Well there was Julia and I LOVED her. She was so nice. We got along so well. She was so skinny though. Lucky cow. There was Chelsea, who was on the other side of the spectrum. She was slightly larger, but not fat. Just slightly overweight. And we went to Pizza Hut and I don’t think she ate a lot. It’s just because she is a larger lady and put the food on her plate wrong...which is the BIGGEST mistake that you could make being a lady. And everyone was teasing her because of her dress. Yavanasri is one of my bestest friends and I love her. Not much to complain or comment about because I see her nearly every day. But she is really funny, does the stupidest of things and is really pretty. Then there is um...Shafik, who was some next druggie man, who was all about the marijuana and shit. But he was nice, albeit slightly slow – he didn’t know what a Satsuma was...bad I know. Arthur...Arthur. Didn’t like him at first. Met him at the debrief session though and I changed my mind. Faruk was slightly difficult to warm to. He was a cool guy. Sebah. I fancied him. Not any longer Boomting Bhavya can have him. He’s all hers. But he was nice. And deep and he read comics, so I didn’t like him anymore – purely because of that. Nurjahan, at first I thought she was annoying. But she is a nice girl at heart, only with the best intentions even though it may look like she’s totally self-centred and shit. She’s not. Only bossy. Jordanna, I thought she was all hard and mean and “I ain’t talking to talkin’ to that gal...” but she is nice and smiley and funny. Arthur’s kinda gal...Ashleigh...there was some next long thing ‘bout how Graham (her boyfriend of nearly two years that he used to like me...why would you do that?) She’s been hating on me for not sure how long now. But she has. Christina was a girl who was quiet one moment and then really loud the next. She was jokes! Johannah...we used to be tight and then we fell apart. But we had fun still. Dismissing the fact that we no longer spoke. Ibrahim...didn’t really speak to him. Our heads kinda crashed together while we were trying to skip together. Faisal and Dodge know them already. Both totally different to the way they are in school. Both of the hitting on the “new” me...Gilbert. Awesome guy. He just starts speaking and you want to burst out laughing. Not in a bad way. Just because of his over-confidence. The only one who slightly jarred me was Gary. And on that I hold and say “no comment”.

3rd September 2009
Well...now Dodge is hitting on me, No idea if I said that the last time. I just can’t get my head around it...he messaged me on Facebook and Jenniah said he wanted to speak to me. Went on and he was nowhere to be found...hmm...will see him tomorrow, hopefully I can avoid speaking to him for at least the entire day...hmmm...will attempt the incredibly difficult and Yav needs to text me back soon otherwise I will leave here without her. Let me go and look at the map...I can get off at Holborn or Covent Garden. The places always happen to be on the other side of London, which sucks.
And then there is school, and I really don’t want to go back purely because of the unwanted attention that I will get. Got new lipstick. Let me get some pics in...Maybe not because the entire thing is very complicated.
I hate Success for Life. Might play some Bejelwed and calm down...
I am now calm and I have completed the Success for life shit. Yay! And tomorrow I have to get the Red line down to Holborn...might go to Shepherd’s Bush and see if I can see him...likely. He might come down to see me. Am secretly wishing that he does because I do not want to speak to Dodge tomorrow. I really do not want to...unless he is speaking to me about him, then I’ll be super happy and smiley and happy. . Am not going to go on his Facebook because there are stalker lists...suddenly and you can see who has been on your profile the most. And I don’t want him to see that I am still so attached to him. I miss him and I want to love him, but he is so damn far away...

Hello again...

I has not been here for a very long while...so, yeah

Treat for New years? Possibly Christmas??

;)

depends how I is feeling.

Lily x

HIiiiii!!!!!

I am really bored.

Thought I'd like to tell you all.

I gave some random who I talk to a lot my home address so he can post me something. I don't know why. I'm just curious about what he's going to send. An "Invite" apparently.

Sorry bout the no update in a looonnggg time.

Well we got our bathroom done and it looks choooonnnggg! And our kitchen does also...am on the phone to my cousin on the phone atm. About some magazine blog we are wishing to start. Sounds really good at the moment actually. He says I'm driving him somewhere...but my eye is laxy so I might not be able to.

OK. tis all. THE STORY! OMG! Might just post the utter crap I wrote because I'm not prepared to write anymore.

Liely German x

Don't mind this post guys...

www.wambie.com

Liely German x

Self Esteem and Confidence are very different...to me anyway...

Confidence: Carrying yourself well around others. How you feel around others.

Self Esteem: How you feel about yourself.

I went out yesterday - saw Slumdog Millionaire, was OK. Had M.I.A. tunes in it...love that girl - must add her to my profile music thing actually.

But I went out and I put on eyeshadow, eyeliner and Vaseline. My dad had a fit. I'm nearly sixteen for Christssake! I don't wear make up to school or anywhere else. Only when I'm going out shopping or to a eating place or something. In the words of my father: "I don't want [her] wearing make up as people will get the wrong idea, mainly men..."

I have had a boyfriend and I didn't tell him for that exact reason. Deary me. There are girls in my school and they dress like skets every single day of their lives, they put on bronzer and foundation and end up looking like Ompaa-Loompas, which is attractive - obvs as the majority of guy who are pricks find them attractive. I put on PURPLE eye shadow - can't even see it that well mind you because of my skin tone, and a little bit of eyeliner and Vaseline...

I might just walk round in my tights and a top or even better, run around on the streets in my underwear just to spite him...but I'm not that Confident. So hey.

BRITS were on yesterday - big let down. Good music though...Coldplay, Kings of Leono, The Petshopboys...a good mix.

I kissed a girl...big deal right?

Liely German x

Well..

I must tell you all that I have been feeling rather good as of late.
Um...ouioui.

Do you notice that when your feelin happy you don't have much to write about? SO I might just rave on about war and politics despite how absoloutley rubbish it is....

At my yard, watching BBC news 90 second update doing nothing...have fun.

German Over and Out

Liely German x

Wel..