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Liely German x
Self Esteem and Confidence are very different...to me anyway...
Confidence: Carrying yourself well around others. How you feel around others.
Self Esteem: How you feel about yourself.
I went out yesterday - saw Slumdog Millionaire, was OK. Had M.I.A. tunes in it...love that girl - must add her to my profile music thing actually.
But I went out and I put on eyeshadow, eyeliner and Vaseline. My dad had a fit. I'm nearly sixteen for Christssake! I don't wear make up to school or anywhere else. Only when I'm going out shopping or to a eating place or something. In the words of my father: "I don't want [her] wearing make up as people will get the wrong idea, mainly men..."
I have had a boyfriend and I didn't tell him for that exact reason. Deary me. There are girls in my school and they dress like skets every single day of their lives, they put on bronzer and foundation and end up looking like Ompaa-Loompas, which is attractive - obvs as the majority of guy who are pricks find them attractive. I put on PURPLE eye shadow - can't even see it that well mind you because of my skin tone, and a little bit of eyeliner and Vaseline...
I might just walk round in my tights and a top or even better, run around on the streets in my underwear just to spite him...but I'm not that Confident. So hey.
BRITS were on yesterday - big let down. Good music though...Coldplay, Kings of Leono, The Petshopboys...a good mix.
I kissed a girl...big deal right?
Liely German x
Well..
I must tell you all that I have been feeling rather good as of late.
Um...ouioui.
Do you notice that when your feelin happy you don't have much to write about? SO I might just rave on about war and politics despite how absoloutley rubbish it is....
At my yard, watching BBC news 90 second update doing nothing...have fun.
German Over and Out
Liely German x
Chantal avec me in the road.
It was the day or two after cud snow day. We were walking in thee road and thought hey pictures!
Long time no Post...
Sorry to whoever has been listening and reading that I haven't been here. Writing. Obvs.
I don't know why I haven't posted alot in a while. I dunno.
Now brace yourselves guys while I lurch headfirst into a preach about how unfair life is...
Maybe I'm just a super moody teenager [according to my parents] and maybe if I started believing that I was, I would be happier, but nothing is that simple. Ever.
My brother attacked me yesterday. He had kicks flying and everything. I asked him nicely to stop fighting me. My mum comes swanning up the stairs and she can't even say "leave your sister alone". Whilst if I had been hitting him we'd never ever hear the end of it. Not for a long while anyway. Just because I have the unfortunate luck of being born Lishan and not Michael, doesn't mean the he's better than me, although that's the way it always feels at the moment.
I have come to the conclusion [a very unrash one at that] that nobody cares. We had two snow days, Monday and Tuesday just gone, and when we went back to school on Wednesday, they locked us in school. I tried to explain that it's health and safety, but nobody heard me either way I said it. Nobody cares if the building happens to blow up with me in it nobody cares if I get trampled to death because of the rush everybody would be in when they;re trying to leave the building. But pfffssshh...it's not very likely that any of this stuff would happen and if it did it would be funny. Haha. But with me gone everybody could dote over their favourite child [which is not me] and laugh at my funeral.
I self harming again. I don't know why. It kinda make me feel hopeful that if I do this everything will get better, but that's never the way it is. So I keep doing it; everytime thinking that it'll get better, but I'm just kinda digging myself into a hole.
Did I say happy new year??? Have a good one!!!
Right now I'm just waiting for eerybody to turn around, laugh in my face and say "We don't like you." My family and the people who I think our my friends jut need to hurry up and say it to me before I combust of some next shit like that.
It's just not right piting yourself everyday because you widh you were someone else,somewhere else doing something with your life.
But right now I'm just like the rest of them, doing nothing and going nowhere...
I'm going to try and stop the self harming. But its so hard when you're looking to it for some sort of hope every single time...
Liely German x
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